3 Months Pregnant

by Liz
(Yonkers, NY, United States)

Ever since I was younger I've had issues with my body image. I was always too short, too wide, and had too much excess fat. Even though I was never called fat until much later, I noticed that I was thicker in structure than some of the other children around me.

My real issues started when I was about eleven and one of my "best" friends started telling me that I had football player legs and I shouldn't wear skirts. It wasn't just that she had said that, but she also announced it in front of a group of 15-20 kids as we were waiting for the school bus one morning.

I was absolutely mortified... I mean she was the only person other than my younger sister who would tease me as well. After that her teasing became a common occurrence.

When I was thirteen my family started to get in on it too. I remember there being one afternoon I went into my parents room to ask them something when my stepfather stopped me and asked if I was pregnant. The thing is he said that he wasn't joking I looked as though I was 3 months pregnant....

From then on I started to eat less and less until soon I was only consuming about 3 crackers, or a few rice cakes a day with the constant supply of water at my side.

Each time I lost five pounds everyone around me seem to be happy with me. My friends became nicer, as well as my parents, grandparents, and family friends. I'd get compliments about how thin I looked and so I just kept on going.


At one point when I was fourteen I lost about 20 pounds in a month bringing me down to 105 pounds. According to my doctor I was underweight and needed to gain at least ten more pounds. The idea horrified me, even at that point I felt as though I needed to lose more weight, which scares me now.

I would always set a goal to lose x amount of pounds and each time I got to that goal I would decide that I needed to lose at least five more...

Now a days I tend to eat more than I should because I'm also an emotional eater. So now instead of being underweight I am 25 pounds over weight. I'm still going through issues involving not eating, but I know I need to stop.

Its really hard... I mean I know that I should lose weight and be healthy about it but I don't seem to have any motivation. That is, other than the constant reminder from my grandmother or my stepfather or my friend whose like an older sister to me that I am no longer tiny and have huge thighs and butt...

But I am determined to lose this weight the right way no matter it what it takes, currently I'm trying the special K challenge but I've just started. Let's hope it works ;) And once I get down to my average BMI that is healthy for me I'm just going to make sure I stay there by eating right and exercising.