You know it's funny, when you think about eating disorders and the people who have them, one huge question we are all trying to answer is, "Who am I?" I think that's the question I have been trying to answer for many years - and certainly throughout my eating disorder.
Who am I?
I am Wendy Sheppard. I am a mother. I am a loving partner. I am a loving daughter ... and a sister ... and an aunt ... and a best friend. But what lies beneath all of that .. the basis for who I truly am is this ... I am a Survivor.
I won't pretend to tell you I think I know everything about who I am, nor everything about eating disorders. I believe knowing who you are is a lifelong, evolving process for everyone. Sure, you can choose to ignore the life lessons you encounter on a daily basis, but that doesn't mean you don't have the potential to continually explore, learn and evolve.
The beauty of life is to experience yourself
The thing about eating disorders is you don't get to experience yourself. You hate yourself. You do everything you can to ignore who you are ... to ignore what you want. There is no beauty in that. When I learned to experience myself ... to love myself ... I felt calm. There is no room for an eating disorder when you are calm.
Love, compassion and kindness are the anchors of life
I do truly believe this. And I believe they are the components of life that lead to happiness. But here's the catch. One thing about eating disorders is it is very easy to love, be compassionate and show kindness toward others. The hard part is showing it toward yourself. That is the true message in this phrase - loving yourself, being compassionate toward yourself and showing yourself kindness are the anchors of life. Once you have that down, then you can truly share it with the world.
There is beauty in your presence; show who you are
I have had to learn to love myself and be kind toward myself and show myself compassion. And in that learning I have come to believe that I am a beautiful person. I just have to be myself. And I want to show that to the world. That's why I started EatingDisorders411. To show you who I am and in the process, hopefully you can come to know who you are ... to know that you are truly beautiful, just the way you are. That you don't have to use food to hide yourself or to deal with the difficulties in life. There is beauty in your presence and you deserve to show that to the world.
Wisdom becomes knowledge when it is personal experience
I know the pain of having an eating disorder. There is so much darkness and desperation and hatred in so many of our eating disorder stories. There is also a pretty big connection between having suffered sexual abuse and developing an eating disorder. I know a bit about that too.
Our personal experiences give us such a different perspective on the world. The hope is that when you get through these experiences, you have a better understanding of life and people and suffering. Many people find they are called to help others who have an eating disorder. Your personal experience gives you that knowledge to help others. I find I am truly blessed to be able to do that ... here and in my personal life.
My background
My eating disorder (bulimia nervosa) started when I was 13. Eventually, in my late teens or early 20s I started exhibiting anorexia symptoms and reached an anorexic weight, where I stayed for a number of years. I developed amenorrhea (lost my menstrual periods), I didn't eat, and anything I did eat I threw up. I also had many bulimia signs and I binged and purged a lot. I went into inpatient treatment on 3 occasions. Then I got pregnant. What my baby gave me was an appreciation for life in a way I hadn't had before. It was the beginning of the ability to eat again ... the path toward healthy eating. When he was 1, I went back into inpatient treatment for a short time. Of course I was in therapy for all those years as well.
As you can see from my experience, I wanted to get healthy. I chose a number of different paths to help me move forward. It was a long-term commitment, but one thing I do know about eating disorders is it can be a long struggle.
By pursuing treatment in several eating disorder treatment centers, I was able to finish my undergraduate degree when my son was 15 months old. I went back for my MSW when he wasn't quite 3. When I graduated, I took a temporary job in an eating disorder treatment center and then opened my own private therapy practice. I closed my practice finally in 2006 because I wanted to find a way to give voice to people who suffer from eating disorders and to help those who love people with an eating disorder.
Recently I decided it was time to start giving back to the eating disorder community. I had been thinking about this site for many years, and this year I finally made it happen.
My hope for you
My hope is you will find what you need to know about eating disorders on these pages. As this site grows, we'll open an eating disorder forum and provide a separate place for you to tell your eating disorder stories. If you need eating disorder help, please send me any eating disorder questions you have. I will answer you personally if that's what you choose. Regardless, you will then have my personal email address to communicate with me directly.
Because I do know about eating disorders ... because I have gained that knowledge through personal experience ... I think you'll find EatingDisorders411 to be a comforting place. I also want you to find eating disorder support and hope in these pages. Please let me know if there's anything else you want to see here or if you need eating disorder help in any capacity. You will survive. You deserve it!
I am Wendy Sheppard. I am a mother. I am a loving partner. I am a loving daughter ... and a sister ... and an aunt ... and a best friend. But what lies beneath all of that .. the basis for who I truly am is this ... I am a Survivor.
