Family Relationships
How do they contribute to the causes of eating disorders?

Family relationships play one role in the causes of eating disorders. To say that there is only one cause, or that these relationships are why someone develops an eating disorder is irresponsible. There are many factors that come together to become the cause of anorexia ... or the cause of eating disorders in general. No one factor means someone will definitely develop an eating disorder. At the same time, no specific cluster of factors means someone will definitely have an eating disorder.

You need to look at the entire picture of a person's life and realize that there are multiple factors that contribute to the development of an eating disorder. These same factors for another person may manifest some other way – that is, a similar person experiencing similar circumstances may not develop an eating disorder.

As much as anyone can say there are causes of eating disorders, family relationships and relationships with other people contribute to the development of an eating disorder for many people. This includes relationships with significant others. They can be the cause of anorexia, or could contribute to bulimia causes or causes of binge eating. But remember ... family relationships are not the sole cause of eating disorders! This discussion is presented for informational purposes. It is not meant to put blame on anyone. As was stated above, these same issues being present in another person’s life will not lead to an eating disorder. So please, take this list as a guide to factors that could contribute to the development of an eating disorder – not that they necessarily will.

Use of the female pronoun

Feminine pronouns will be used in these pages. That is not because boys / men don’t have eating disorders. It is simply because the ratio is 10:1, females to male. More girls / women develop eating disorders than men do. But the issues are the same. So please, if you are reading this in reference to a boy / man having an eating disorder, simply replace the female pronouns with the male counterparts.

Relationships with parents

Teen eating disorders tend to develop in teenagers who have difficult relationships with their parents. However, these difficulties may not be readily apparent to people on the outside. Teens with eating disorders tend to be quite agreeable, compliant kids. They are compassionate, intelligent, caring, loving, giving, warm people. To the outside world, their lives may look “perfect.”

For a teen who develops an eating disorder, difficult family relationships with parents may be evident:

• Parents may be unavailable. They may be overly involved in work or other outside activities that the eating disordered teen views as “more important” than she is to her parents.
• An eating disordered teen may feel not good enough. She feels like no matter what she does, her parents won’t accept her. Her parents have very high expectations for themselves and for others. The teen feels like she can never live up to those expectations. Her eating disorder helps her feel good at something.
• Her family does not deal well with negative emotions. In a home where someone has developed an eating disorder, the major form of dealing with negative emotions is by avoidance. Thus the eating disordered teen must push her emotions away.
• A teen who grows up in a house with overly critical parents is susceptible to developing an eating disorder. Especially if the parents (or family in general) is critical when it comes to overweight people, or, more importantly, on the girl herself. Alternatively, if she has a father who is vocal about women looking a certain way, the teen may internalize that message to mean she is only acceptable to her father if she looks the way he wants other women to look.
• Teens from homes where the parents are split, the parents have psychological issues, are alcoholics, or are abusive, or where there has been the death of one parent are at higher risk for developing eating disorders. In these situations, kids tend to feel out of control. In order to regain control over their lives, they control their food. This can lead to an eating disorder.

Teens who struggle in their relationships with their siblings can be at risk - these are another difficult aspect of family relationships:

• If she is teased by her siblings because of her weight, she is at higher risk
• If she feels lost, or not noticed because of a high achieving, sick or defiant sibling who gets all the attention, she is at higher risk.
• If she feels she doesn’t have her own identity because she is a twin, she is at higher risk.
• If the expectations put on her far exceed those of her siblings, she is at higher risk.

Teens often feel a competition with their peers. These are some of the issues with peers that put a teen at risk for developing an eating disorder in addition to the family relationships mentioned above:

• She feels left out – like she doesn’t fit in.
• Her friends are thin and fit, but she feels she is not.
• She is picked on a lot by other kids.
• She is part of a group of friends who diet together. This kind of competition can lead to the development of an eating disorder.
• She is part of a group of friends where at least one girl has an eating disorder. Maybe you’ve heard stories where friends teach friends to vomit. These stories are true. (See bulimia signs and bulimia nervosa for more information.)

• Food issues
• Society & Media
• Physical & emotional abuse
• Sexual abuse
• Low self-esteem
• Feeling invisible & not heard
• Feeling silenced
• Feeling alone

Go from Family Relationships back to Causes of Eating Disorders

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