I didn't want to eat

by katy
(pittsburgh)

I was in sixth grade. That’s when my eating disorder started. I just wanted to lose a little weight for high school. I started just eating less, trying to lose weight in a healthy manner.

But by the time I got to high school I was anorexic. I would never eat. I lost so much weight people thought I had cancer. I would exercise constantly - four hours a day. I never thought I looked thin enough. I gave my self a half hour a day to eat and that’s it.

It got so bad my bones were sticking out, and I had to buy all new clothes. I just never looked good enough. I thought being that skinny looked good, but I looked like I was dying.

My mom took me to the doctors and they examined me. They told my mom they thought I had an eating disorder, but I told her I didn’t. By then I weighted about eighty pounds.

I used to put pennies in my pockets when I went on the scale to add a few pounds in front of people.

A couple years later, when I was in ninth grade, I slowly started eating more and stopping my obsessive habits. On my own I gained some weight, but not all of it back. Every day was hard, but I forced myself to eat and slowly I got better.

Over time I actually started eating dinner and wanting to eat. Soon enough I was fully healed and I was healthy and a normal weight again.

I don’t even think about ever going back. I realize now when I look back at pictures that I didn’t look good when I was that skinny and I wasn’t healthy. Now, being a healthy weight looks good and not fat.