Overcoming Anorexia: A Personal Account

by Alana Gable

If thin is good, thinner is better. Or so I thought.

It has been many years now since I exhibited anorexic traits, and I feel that I have nearly if not completely overcome this condition that affects many people in today's society. And although my anorexic compulsions did not advance to the extent that many others with this same condition do, I am hopeful that some who read this article will feel encouraged that they, too, can overcome anorexia. Believe me, it is a freeing feeling to no longer feel trapped by the compulsive behavior associated with this condition.

The basis for my anorexia began with some misconceptions I had while I was growing up. At the beginning of each new school year my mother would weigh each of her children so we could record our weight (along with height, etc.) in our "School Days" books. I don't know why, but I hated watching the numbers increase each year. Maybe it was because I was afraid of getting fat. But as I grew, the number of pounds increased until ultimately I reached my dreaded weight. It was then that the problems began.

But other factors were also involved. I recall my father saying to me as I was growing up such things as "pull your belly in" and "do you want a belly like your mother's?" Such statements led me to believe that I was fat, when in fact I was not. I also came to fear becoming overweight like my mother.

At the same time, I felt the effects of having a domineering father. Studies show that one characteristic of anorexics is the need to have control over some aspect of their lives. If one or both parents are domineering, the child (primarily teenage girls) may resort to the one area of his/her life that he/she can control--his/her weight. Perhaps this was one of the contributing factors that led to my becoming anorexic.

In addition, I wanted to look like the models in advertisements--thin! I realize that thin sells the product, but perceiving such a stress on being thin in our society places real pressure on everyone--especially females--to be thin. Heaven forbid I should become fat and no longer fit into the thin image.

These, then, were some of the factors that I believe contributed to my becoming anorexic.

At the beginning of my freshman year in high school, I began keeping track of every calorie that went into my mouth. I became obsessed with weighing reaching my goal weight and having NO belly whatsoever. It was also then that I began to exercise compulsively and excessively--even if it cut into my sleep time.

I ate only minute helpings of food at mealtimes. The largest quantity of foods I ate were dessert foods (I've always had a sweet tooth). I knew what my basil metabolism rate was and only consumed ample calories to meet it. Sometimes I would binge on dessert foods and then exercise even more than my usual amount to try and burn off every extra calorie that I had consumed. Most of the time I was VERY hungry.

I did calisthenic repetitions daily. These included sit-ups, toe-touches, and upside-down bicycles. I remember getting home one night around 11:30 after musical practice and feeling like I HAD to do my nightly routine of exercises. And although I resented it, I did EVERY ONE.

Shortly after beginning my rigorous exercise routine, I developed scabs on my lower back from the rug burns I acquired from doing so many sit-ups. I wore a lot of large band aids during that time on my tailbone. Ultimately I developed a thickness of skin in that area--my back calloused itself to combat the abuse I was putting it through.

It was like I was caught up in some kind of whirlwind. And although the motivation for anorexia has been said to be partly related to the need for control, I did not feel in control. I felt like someone else was controlling me. My behavior was both obsessive and compulsive and had to be stopped before it destroyed me.

I began my sophomore year in high school at a much lower weight than the year before, the lowest I remember weighing during my high school years. When it came time for physical fitness tests in Physical Education class, I set a new record for the number of sit-ups per minute.

It was during that time that my mother handed me an article depicting the characteristics of anorexics, which was published in the now defunct St. Louis Globe Democrat. I recognized that I exhibited many of the characteristics described in the article and came to identify myself as an anorexic.

I didn't like the thought of something being wrong with me. For that reason, I immediately stopped my rigorous daily calisthenics, stopped counting calories and gradually returned to eating healthier portions of food. I had to come to face the reality that it is okay to weigh more than my original goal weight--that it is, in fact, healthier for someone of my height to weigh more than that weight. But although I was able to overcome these anorexic traits based on my recognition of the problem and the willpower to overcome it, in most cases it would be advisable to seek professional assistance.

Presently I still sometimes look in the mirror and criticize my waistline or feel like it looks like I've gained weight. But I am no longer obsessed with losing weight. When I do weigh, it is in an effort to maintain my weight within a weight range I have set that falls within the weight chart established by the USDA for a woman of my height. I refuse to count calories. I eat when I am hungry, eat slowly, eat until I am full, then stop. I snack when I want to. I exercise only WHEN I FEEL LIKE IT--not because I feel like I HAVE to.

Anorexia can be overcome. That's not to say it is easy or that it isn't more difficult for some than for others, but anorexia need not destroy all its victims the way it did Karen Carpenter. Advanced cases of anorexia may result in irreparable damage to the body. Early detection is important, as well as an effort to identify why the person has chosen this self-destructive path. But the most important factor is for the anorectic to have the willpower to overcome his/her condition.

It is possible. There is hope.

ADDENDUM - 02/27/01: In recent weeks I have been contacted by two people who have lost close family members to anorexia/bulimia. If you or someone you care about even possibly has anorexia/bulimia PLEASE seek professional help--before it's too late.