Teenager Eating Disorder

by Tonia

When I was a teenager I had an eating disorder for some time.

It started with me and my friend trying to lose weight together in school (even though we were really skinny...). We just ate a few lettuce leaves and an apple for lunch and not much for the rest of the day.

Then one day I was at my friend's house and she told me she always asks her mom if she can take the food and eat it in her room and then she secretly throws it in the toilet. Right then I thought she is stupid doing that, but not long after I also started eating as little as possible.

The reason I was trying to lose weight was for a fashion show I was going to be in. But I also remember thinking my parents can control everything else that happens in my life - except decide how much or IF I eat. I thought, its my decision and no one can change that.

I was proud of how thin I could become by not eating, and did not realize it was unhealthy. I was also scared of any food containing fat.

Then I had a photo shoot with a modeling agency I signed up for and I basically ate nothing the days before the photo shoot.

But I think after that school year (11th grade) when summer came around, I got back to my normal eating habits again, not thinking about food so much anymore. I also did not continue modeling so it could be a reason my eating disorder got better, but I'm not sure.

Sometimes I wonder if the eating disorder had anything to do with me having an abortion about half a year before it happened. Maybe unconsciously I wanted to be thin - the opposite of what I would have been if I would have kept the baby...