Wasted Away...

by Grief of Sickness
(NC)

This story may reflect many others of the same condition. It all started a few years ago while some friends and I attended our local high school. We used to be carefree ... until the opposite sex hit the picture.

I went from being a carefree tomboy to being a diva.

One boy in particular caught my eye. Looking back I wish I had been smarter.

My battle with my eating disorder began when my closet friend at the time said this boy liked me. I pandered this boy for almost three months just trying to talk to him. That's when I heard the comments.

"Yo man would you ever date her?"

"Probably if she was not as chunky as she is."

It broke my heart hearing that as I sat two tables away at the lunch tables in our high school cafeteria. This was the start of my downfall.

I got depressed and my outlet was food. I would stay up hours just binge eating. Then I found a nifty solution of sticking a q-tip down my throat to purge the food out.

Eventually I lost 29 pounds in the course of two months. I looked great.

But after time it took its toll on my body. I was weak - not at all like the active 14 year old I had been. I slept more and more and soon the vomiting was no longer self induced.

The boy I had started after I never got to see much after that because I was hospitalized for bulimia nervosa and to help control the vomiting.

After six months in the local hospital, I was released. I had gained 35 pounds as a result to make me more healthy. The doctors explained later that my weight was perfect for my build and that I had medical complications from the bulimia nervosa. I was slowly killing my throat muscles by vomiting repeatedly over the span of those months.

Now we are here today. I still have a poor self image, but I strive to be a better person and not to stray back to self induced vomiting. Instead I attend regular support groups to help my self image.

To date I have been on recovery for 4 years. I did it all because I wanted a young boy's love.