When the world seems against your own body-acceptance...

by Caroline
(Boston, MA, USA)

There are many days when I cannot accept my body, when I can't find self-esteem or self-love. I have been through years of struggles with loving myself at all... there are times that I am amazed at how I have still managed to get through them. It is when I can remember that perspective that I realize how much I've already won, no matter what I feel.

Nowadays, there are many days when I truly do love my body. There are days where I do not even think twice about what the world may think, where I can simply enjoy the way my body looks. I enjoy it unconditionally, regardless of any imperfections that others may claim or that I may feel.

I had several different passions through childhood, my teen years and into young adulthood which focused on "looks," "image" and "perfection." I have shifted my focus into activism, feminist studies & gender studies over the past few years. This shift in direction has been the catalyst into self-acceptance.

I first thought about making this shift after having worked a bit part on a film set. While all my previous experiences with the acting world brought about nothing but confirmation of self-hatred, this would finally break that cycle.

I was lucky enough to stumble upon a set full of people who did not meet some the perfect Hollywood ideal, who were all beautiful in their own unique, "perfectly imperfect" ways. I began to notice how beautiful I thought they all were. This got me to thinking and questioning my thoughts about my own body & self. Since I found everyone there perfect and amazingly beautiful -- even those who looked like me, who had similar "flaws" -- how could I go on hating myself? If I found these people to be beautiful, how could I go on telling myself how ugly I was?

These thoughts started to bring about seeds of kindness toward myself. I began to talk to some of the others during set breaks and after working. So many of them felt as I did. So many of them had found ways of self-acceptance and self-love, even when everything in society would seem against them. So many of them had accomplished the feat of not caring what society and our culture had told them was "right" about their bodies. They were living their lives without conforming to the standards of Hollywood or magazines. I was in awe of their strength and was motivated to learn from their amazing examples.

For years before this experience, I would not let anyone hug me in a way where I felt they would touch my waist. This was true even for those I was the closest to and trusted the most. I had thought for so many years of how hideous I thought that waist of mine was, how unbearable I thought it would be for others to touch. On the final day of work on the set, I let the others hug me. I felt the embrace of a hug around my waist. This simple gesture was something I had built up as terrifying for years. Being able to allow myself to experience this, to realize that someone could embrace and hug me... to realize that nothing would happen, that they wouldn't recoil once they felt my "flawed" waist... this was something that left an amazing impact. It allowed me a new perspective, a new trust in my body and in others.

Finding a community of people who will not judge you, who will not give a second thought to your looks on the outside -- this is one of the things that has proven vital to finding body-acceptance and self-esteem for me. These people are out there, no matter how lonely it can seem. Finding them can help aid a journey to self-esteem and building self confidence greatly.

I also have since found that taking a perspective away from the mainstream media has helped me greatly. I don't believe in the ideals shown in things like advertisements or the beauty industry. I look for role models that are diverse, that do not meet Hollywood standards or the standards shown in the media.

I believe that doing activist work has also helped me to love myself so much more. It's been through working for causes that I've learned so much, and it's been through helping others with similar issues that I have learned a deeper level of self-love.

Taking the time to learn about things like feminism, gender studies, sociology and the like has also helped me. I believe that it is a gift to oneself to continue to learn, to seek out voices that are speaking against the media and culture that promotes distorted body image. There is much validation, understanding and self-respect to be found through these studies.

Everyone has their own way of finding peace with their bodies. I offer these suggestions and stories on how I found peace with mine.